The Problem with Healing
The problem with healing is you have to mature into it. The problem with maturing is you have to accept it. After you have exhausted all of your coping tools, grown tired of constant strife and accepted your soul’s cry for growth, clarity will break through. Slowly, with work, at the same time, you will find relief from your past and reveal your better self to the World.
I hadn’t heard of body re-composition when I started working on my physical body three years ago. I was stressed with repression, looking for a release just as much as I was looking to lose weight. In the beginning, I went to the gym everyday; spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and then went around to 3 different weight machines for legs/glutes, arms, mid completing 3 reps at each machine. My diet changed; I drank less alcohol and ate what I craved that felt good in my body. In 2 years, I had lost 74 pounds, toned and gained muscle. After I had already done the work, I learned this process is body re-composition.
Re-composition of my nervous system, or healing, has been a similar process. Everyday, I educate myself on psychology, spirituality, femininity or complex trauma. Once a week, I meet with my therapist. With this work, I’ve gained understanding and emotional intelligence. I’m no longer entranced by the emotional state of people around me, which can cause me to feel unwell. I didn’t ignore the call of my midlife awakening; it didn’t fall on me as a crisis. I stopped absorbing the opinions and judgment of people who have abandoned themselves. I stopped repressing my emotions. The waves of shame, guilt, uncertainty, loneliness and doubt that once pulled me under are no longer enigmatic. They are recognized, come in and go out as they are meant to.
Maturing is hard to accept. Re-composition is unrecognizable at first. But, as long as you are doing the work, one day an old wound will break through and your response to it will be different — better. As long as you are do the work, healing is happening.
