loneliness
I looked and saw loneliness reflected back at me. It was familiar, comfortable and I fell in love.
Childhood neglect plays awful tricks. I reacted to what I felt, ignoring red flags. I romanticized what I was missing and self-sabotaged. Still, locked in with trauma.
Early on, I got ridiculed. Dismissed. Nothing really explained, just pronouncements to ‘deal with it’. I didn’t get what I needed, just like you. I couldn’t verbalize my place; my place wasn’t nurtured. So I felt I didn’t have one. I kept it inside, in the dark and walked around feeling bad, all the time. I walked into a life that was the emotional representation of treatment from my youth.
Now, time has revealed the truth. Old whispers now shout and I don’t ignore my underlying issues — anymore.